Author: Zachary A. Martz

Fashion is a funny little beast—equal parts craft, commerce, obsession, and pure delusion. And while everyone’s welcome to love it, wear it, and talk about it… not everyone actually knows it. Some people have taste, some people have trends, and some people have a Pinterest board and the confidence of a Paris atelier. So if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re speaking to a real one or someone cosplaying “industry insider,” here’s a quick and mildly cruel checklist to separate the fashion fluent from the faux.

1. When asked about what they do in the industry, they fail to say what company or brand they work for, nor the position they have. Conclusion, retail sales – everyone starts somewhere.
2. When talking about a garment color they give a primary color like “blue”, instead of something more precise like “azure”, “cerulean”, “cobalt”, “ultramarine”, “navy”. They also have no idea how very different they all are.
3. They have knowledge of one small fraction of the industry and do not know more than 5 of the following words or what they refer to (there are some freebies thrown in here): gingham, haberdashery, pirn, peak-toed, chambray, tunic, porkpie, weft, waistcoat, pinking, lapel, raglan sleeve, muslin, french cuffs, epaulet(s),milliner.
4. In conversation they try and talk about a legacy fashion houses and pronounces one of these brands incorrectly – Givenchy, Versace, Hermes, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Lanvin, Yves Saint Laurent.
5. They have not purchased a new piece of clothing, footwear, or an accessory in a month. With closer inspection you see the pit stained, raw hemed, and faded “garments” they are wearing have a name in larger writing and/or say “Limited”, “Juicy”, or “Pink” on them… 
6. It feel like the laws of physics are being explained when differences are pointed out between the labels of brands, why they have different colors in the names, or why the designer repeats their name excessively.  
   (Examples: Marc Jacobs, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Ralph Lauren, Ralph Lauren Purple label, Ralph Lauren Black label , Ralph Lauren RRL, Alexander McQueen, McQ by Alexander McQueen)
7. They call “thrift shop” purchases “vintage”, “hand patched” apparel  “couture”, or “quick fashion” pieces “designer”.
8. They think fashion week is only held at one place, once a year, only in NYC, and is still in “tents” at Bryant Park.
9. They are clearly trying to drive you into your own grave because they guess at which of these designers are still alive: Jean Paul Gaultier, Karl Lagerfeld, Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel, Gianni Versace, Yves Saint Laurent (short name), Alexander McQueen, Ottavio Missoni, Liz Claiborne.
10. They gave up on this little test at question two, called it “a total waste of time” and did not even bother to do some reasearch and fill in their knowledge gaps. After all, this is less than comprehensive and most people forgot more about the industry while starting as production assistants, pattern makers, retail sales, and/or producing their own lines before even taking a break to read this. When it comes down to it, this is just some fun from the normal day-to-day, mind-melting, glamour-nothingness that is fashion.

A faux fashionista is easy to spot: vague job claims, “blue” as a color description, and a vocabulary that collapses after “gingham.” They butcher designer names, confuse thrift with vintage and fast fashion with couture, and treat fashion week like it’s still trapped in 2008. They can’t grasp diffusion lines, guess wildly about who’s alive, and when challenged, they bail—because learning ruins the fantasy. In the end, it’s all just a little entertainment from the glamorous, exhausting, brain-melting nothingness that is fashion.

previously featured on  10 Ways To Catch A Faux Fashionista | Thought Catalog